I suffered my first TIA ( Transient Ischemic Attack ) or better known as a mini stroke in March of 1999. I clearly remember when it happened while on a business trip in Denver. I was there for a week and on the second to the last day I remember having my first TIA.

I was heading back to my Hotel after a meeting when I suddenly found myself lost in space. I couldn't find my hotel and remember asking a gentleman on the street where this hotel was at. Imagine how I felt when he pointed to the building I was standing in front of and said, that is it, then looked at me in a strange way as if I had lost my mind. That is exactly the way you feel when suffering a stroke or TIA. You feel like you have lost your mind completely. Nothing makes sense. Nothing appears normal to you. And worst of all, your home or family member may seem like a strange place or person for a moment in time. It is a horrible feeling and one I wouldn't classify as being scary but one where you feel completely alone. Its hard to be scared when you really don't know what is happening to you and you become unaware of your surroundings. The effects of that TIA lasted a long time and I can remember on my way back to Michigan asking someone at the airport in O'Hare if they could help me find my next flight/gate.

The second stroke ( 1999 ) which was a full blown ischemic stroke was different. I was sitting at my computer and lost all sense of where I was. Suddenly I blacked out and ended up in a hospital bed for a few days. That stroke seemed to hit my cognitive abilities as I started having difficulties multitasking and doing math problems that I once did with ease. Simple thought processes came harder and my memory started to slip. A few months later I had another stroke that was more debilitating and it was the one that ended my career for me. Being able to crunch numbers and perform statistical analysis, write reports and manage large project workloads with the greatest of ease, these tasks all went out the window. I couldn't do any of them anymore.

Obviously I was bitter and while having to deal with the bone marrow disease I had, I now had to deal with the strokes. Medication ( Plavix ) was added to my daily med's regimen to help prevent strokes. It didn't and the TIA's kept coming in droves. Once retired and after moving to Bristol, I suffered a debilitating stroke. One of the worst I have ever had. That stroke took a great deal from me and left me slurring my speech, stammering and the loss of my short term memory was very evident. It also created a left side deficit disorder where the brain doesn't recognize things on your left side. My left hand and right hand no longer worked in coordination. My brain simply ignored things, people or objects on my left side. This obviously created some problems driving in which I had to rely on others to drive me places. The times I did drive, I would easily get lost in this little town.

A series of more TIA's came after that stroke as well and Dr. Brockmyre my family physician didn't like the course I was heading on. He quickly became very proactive and placed me on Coumadin and got very aggressive with my platelet levels and phlebotomy needs. My Hem-Onc concurred with his new course of action and supported his efforts. To this day Dr. Brockmyre is very adamant about me having ProThrombin tests and even the lab girls will call if I am a bit late on having my test. He has moved all of my parameters upward and likes my blood thin - very thin. I am convinced that if Dr. Brockmyre wouldn't have intervened, I would probably would have suffered a stroke that may have cost me my life

Since then the TIA's still come now and then, but I can blame myself for those. I typically get into trouble when I ignore the signs of " thick blood " and do not get my blood tests.  I can never explain what it is like to go through a stroke, let alone several. I came out the other end of them a different person. My personality actually changed ( which is common in stroke victims ) and I became a different person. I became much more acceptable of people, more patient with others and found myself much less driven.

Gone was the type A personality that found me going through life at break neck speeds and I now slowly move forward, enjoying all of lifes simple little pleasures along the way. The hardest part of all of this was my family who had to get to know the new me. Ally has had to carry the biggest part of the demands of living with a stroke survivor. In addition to having to be constantly watched over, strokes can also cause people to be nasty and mean shortly after a stroke. They create a person that for a short period of time has a short temper, dislikes people, is upset and bitter over life and generally becomes a negative big ball of nastiness. Many people with brain injuries go through this same scenario and become combative during this period. Thank God it was short lived.

Living your everyday life becomes a challenge. I nearly set the house on fire by leaving papers near a burner on the stove that I turned on and left. I found it confusing to write a simple check. I no longer can handle math problems and have to have Ally do all the simple math problems for me. I have become dyslexic with numbers and sometimes dial the wrong number several times when placing a call. If you ask me though, I can easily tell you what it is like to no longer be able to multi task. What it is like to ask for help in writing a check. How some day's you KNOW you shouldn't be behind the wheel of a car and ask for a chauffer.

You can ask Ally what it is it like to watch her once very high functioning husband with a very high IQ chase an ice cream truck on the street in his boxer underwear. Ask her also what it is like to come home and find that your husband has locked you out of the house and went to take a snooze because he forgot you lived there ( That was a weekly occurrence ). I can relate what its like to get into conversations and then forget what the topic is all about. It also isn't fun to stammer and stutter, searching for words while chatting to someone.

Because of the set backs and the brain problems I have reduced my circle of friends to ones who understand. I have a very small group of people I feel comfortable in e-mailing and talking with. These are people who understand me and my problems and who accept me for who I am, not what I used to be. They know on days I am stammering or slurring my speech that its my brain function, it isn't because I am drunk. Most have huge amounts of patience with me and will explain things twice if I do not comprhend the first time.

I have had many frustrations and one big one is the loss of my hearing. Several strokes have hit my auditory center in my brain and it seems that with each ensuing TIA I lose a bit more. Through it all I have persevered and I have made great strides. Ally and my family have stuck by my side and helped me through this process with a great deal of patience. My close and dear friends also have been there for me with allot of support and have gladly accepted the new me.

Today I feel life itself is such a precious gift. It's great to be alive and I enjoy every minute of everyday. And I am proud to say I am  stroke survivor. It all gets better from this point forward. I have never lost at anything in my life and don't plan on losing at this either.

@ Copyright 2006, 2007, 2008 by Chris Throgmartin. All rights reserved. Copying or Reprinting is prohibited without prior written consent.