Latest News for the Month of
September 2008
Yikes, I thought I missed August but see that I did provide an update. I have been extremely busy since we got back to Florida and have had no time to sit down here and provide any updates of any kind. I will try and provide one more update before I head back to Bristol on the 20th.
Things here have been crazy. I really do not know of any other way to explain it. Ally started school, football season started ( along with my coaching duties ), Tropical Storm Fay made its presence known here on the Gulf and then of course Gustav was worth watching here as well. We never took a hit from Fay as it skated East then North of us. But it did create a great deal of rain. Actually, that is all it has done is rain since we got back. Now I see we have Hannah and Ike coming close to us here in Florida. This has been a very busy Hurricane / Tropical Storm season and we still have a couple months to go. WE did get some pretty good wind gusts and an amazing thunder storm which took out my cable and internet service. Thankfully the surge damage was limited to the cable companies equipment and not mine.
Ally got back to school fine and has a busy year ahead of her. She is once again the Senior class advisor which takes up a great deal of time and she has some heavy duty courses to teach this fall ( Calculus, Calculus AP, geometry, etc. ). The course prep work and grading is real time consuming when you start teaching the upper level math classes. She is typically working till 10 PM every night to stay on schedule. But despite the rigors of being back teaching after a long summer break, she is happy to be with the kids again. She admitted to missing them over the summer. :)
In preparation for Fay I had to put away all the lawn furniture, tables, etc and button down the hatches. I also had to get the coach ready to roll in case we took a bad hit from Fay. Since it steered away from us, all that work was for not. :) Because we are having such an active storm season I left everything secured and put away till November. I didn't want to have to go through all the work again in case another takes aim at us. Besides, it hasn't been the most joyous weather to sit outside in. Rain and miserable hot humid temperatures. Yuk....... I cannot stand Florida this time of year.
In regards to my health !!! It hasn't been the greatest. I have grown weak over the last month and the trip out West really took its toll on me. I know that my bone marrow is in bad shape and to make matters worse I have a growth on my face that seems to keep getting bigger by the week. I am due to head back to Bristol soon ( Sept 20th ) so I can see Dr. Brockmyre and get it cut off and to find out if its cancer or not. I am hopeful its benign and to be honest I haven't taken it too seriously. Hopefully my lackadaisical approach wont bite me in the butt. Ally on the other hand has been less then impressed with my attitude and is livid over my ignoring it. Needless to say she has finally motivated me to get home to have this surgery. When Dr. Brockmyre seen it in June he wanted to remove it right away as he felt it was suspect.
I know its very hard for others to understand my recent " don't care - whatever " attitude. But for someone who has fought a disease like I have for 9 years you get to the point that your so tired from it all, you simply do not give a rat's ass as to what's going on with your body. The constant weakness, sickness, nausea, chemo, bone pain, etc. just takes you down. You find little strength left to battle the downward moments. I know some will think I am nuts, but lately I have been a bit bitter and tired of the constant battles with this disease. So when something like this growth pops up, you have a tendency to say " yeah......whatever just add it to the list of other crap that needs attention ". The one thing some people ( I do anyways ) revert to is a stage in which you simply ignore everything and pretend none of it exists. This is where I typically get my butt into trouble as I ignore all the signs and symptoms and try to forget I have a disease.
It normally takes family or a close friend to intervene and motivate you to get looked after. Of course its hard for them sometimes because I can be a master at telling people " I feel good, no worries " when in fact I know I am in trouble with my bone marrow or blood / cell counts. You just do not want to burden people with your problems as many have enough of their own headaches to deal with. I hide a lot of my medical woes from people, including Ally and my kids. Ally is a bit tougher to " pull the wool over her eyes " as she lives with me and KNOWS when I am going downhill. :)
I really do not know if lately its been an attitude of giving up and giving into the disease or what. But I have been horrible lately at looking after myself and countering the disease progression. I have had no blood tests since July and I know my lab results are not going to be pretty. But I have not had the motivation or drive to get on top of things. My bone marrow was screaming for chemo back in June, but I ignored it and took the trip. I personally think its depression taking over and that normally removes your will and fight to carry on. Depression is a common occurrence in people who are fighting cancers and this isn't my first rodeo with depression and my current " I don't give a crap attitude " is probably a byproduct of that.
Typically Ally, the kids and a few close friends intervene and motivate me to get after my health and get things straight again. Dr. Brockmyre also points me towards antidepressants and something will happen that changes my view on life and it results in me regaining that will to fight which ironically has kept me alive for so long.
Speaking of the brain department the last month has been torture. Ally is certain I suffered another stroke and I am sure I probably did as my blood levels were really out of whack. I have no idea when it occurred but it had to be shortly after our return to Florida. I have noticed a further loss of my cognitive abilities and more of a pronounced loss of function in my left hand as it feels more like a club then a hand or fingers. I cannot explain it in words but you have less sensation in your hand and fingers and it feels uncoordinated and hard to control while using it. You lose the dexterity in your fingers and it gets in the way more then it helps you. :)
Overall I am at a low point with my health and I wished I could come on here and give some cheery news along with my positive outlook on life, but I see no sense in coming on here and lying to the masses and saying how great I feel and how wonderful my outlook is. :)
In time I am sure my attitude will get itself righted and I will once again resume the fight. Until then I ask for your forgiveness and understanding for the less then cheerful attitude.
I hope this finds all of you and your families doing well, healthy and happier then pigs in mud. Please do drop me a line when you get a chance and let me know how you are. I haven't heard from some of you in a long time.
Wow. Twice in one month. I am doing OK on these updates this month. :)
My last update was a real downer and I am sorry for that. I get this way every time I start facing this chemo schedule again and know I have to put more of my life on hold while I go through this treatment process. It really just flames me to no end.
So I realized I needed some motivation and decided, hell, why not provide a little motivation for everyone. So I put together a series of motivational posters that I hope will provoke some thought as well as create a few laughs. besides, what good is life if we cannot enjoy it with laughter and light hearted times. You will find one poster on there that has a lot of meaning behind it. It is on how to get your children to listen to you. if you look closely at this poster you will see that the picture of that child is actually my son Lindy. Some are probably wondering how I ever got him so far in life. I think this picture explains it all. :)
( Click here for the motivational posters )
Now on to the updates of my life. There isn't a whole lot to report. Its actually been quiet around here with the resort empty and very few people around. I have been spending my days sewing the upholstery on the boat and I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am nearly done with it and never having done this type of upholstery, its been challenging ( to say the least ) and educational ( another understatement ). I have learned a lot from this project and feel now I could tackle the car interior of the Catalina.
Ally and I took a gorgeous ride the other day on our motorcycles to Bayport Park and sat and stared out at the Gulf and just relaxed. We left early in the morning to beat the heat and other then having to stop at lights, it was a pleasant and comfortable ride. Both of us have the water bug bad and cannot wait to get the boat done and in the water so we can get out into the gulf and do some fishing.
On the medical front, I started chemo today. Its just as bad as I always remembered it and before I am hit with the full effects of it I am going to quickly get this update finished. I really wanted to put this off and wait till I got back from Bristol, but I have been sicker every week with fevers and no energy from a poor functioning bone marrow. So I cancelled my trip North, am having my lesion cut off down here by a Doctor and have started chemo. It's time. It is way past time and my marrow needs this boost.
My recent labs looked pretty good but there was no path review done on the blood so I can only suspect the cell lines are as bad as they were in June. I can honestly say this Interferon crap is as bad as it always has been. Thankfully I have a pile of heavy duty pain killers to get me through the next couple days which is the very worse. From then on my misery can be handled with lesser strength pain killers and I can manage the fevers with those for the next two months.
OK, before I depart from this little update I thought I would give you all a smile. Anyone out there remember Al Capone ? And his infamous nickname - Scarface ? Well here is your smile for the day. On Monday I have this growth cut off my face by none other then a Doctor named - Yup......Dr, Capone.
Lets see, incision on the face.......Capone...... Ahh forget it. I don't think I want to even go there.
I will try and get another update on here soon. Until then, get out there and grab life and enjoy it. Be safe and remember, everything in moderation. Take good care of you ad yours.
Sending my very best wishes to all of you,
Chris
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The Miss Ella ( our new boat )